Friday, October 5, 2012


This morning I woke up hungry and realized there was no immediately edible food in my home. So I washed some dishes, made rice in the rice cooker, beat some eggs, made egg fried rice, and sat down to watch CSI: Miami with Korea subtitles on TV. This is my life, I realized as I lay down waiting for the rice cooker to finish the rice. My stomach hurt from walking around and doing things without eating first, and I was miserable because I didn't want to have egg fried rice again. This is my life.

I know it's only temporary, but it begs the question: what do I want in life?

If this is not the life I want, what is the life I want? And if I ever manage to figure that out, how will I get that life?

Right now I stand at a crossroads. Tomorrow there is a job fair for people like me: foreigners. Outsiders. If I can get a job that I deem doable and not detrimental to my future career, I will stay in Korea. I will buy some things I need for my apartment for the winter, and I will stay with my boyfriend. If I fail, I will buy a one way plane ticket to the US, and my boyfriend and I will most likely break up when I get on the plane.

I hate being unsure. I feel like I'm planning two futures. The magic day is November 15th. Should I stay or should I go? It's not my choice. Wish me luck tomorrow. I'll let you know the outcome eventually.

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