Job Interview

I had a job interview last Friday. It was a direct result of the job fair I went to at the beginning of the month and it lasted an hour and a half. I think it went well, but I have to wait and see. The company makes patient monitors and systems for hospitals, as well as some security recognition software and systems. It's really interesting. The only problem is that it's on the other side of Seoul so if I get the job (I'll find out this week) I will have to move again.

If I don't get the job, it's probably back off to the States for me in early December. I have one last thing to do for my current company just after the end of my 90 days in Korea, so I will take another trip to the small Japanese island of Tsushima to get my passport stamped. But that's it. No more of those trips.

If I get the job, they will give me a visa. The CEO seemed very confident about that. I only wish I shared his confidence.
To be honest, I want both results and neither result at the same time.

I want to get the job and start anew in another area of Seoul (well, actually I lived there before with my ex-husband but that's beside the point). I don't want to get the job and leave my current place where I can walk to salsa clubs (which I don't actually go to anymore).

I want to go home and spend Christmas with my family and have everything be familiar and in a language I can understand almost completely. I want to eat American food every day and breathe California air and live where there are no mosquitoes. But I don't want to go back because that's giving up and running away, and I'm so tired of giving up and running away. Plus, healthcare isn't exactly a dream in the US and I need insurance to cover the cost of being bipolar and getting treatment. And I'm scared that I won't get a job in the US either.

What if I'm unemployable? I have plenty of skills and I learn quickly, so why does nobody want to hire me? In Korea it's the visa. In the US it's that my major and experience are useless (I'm sure). What if I'm destined to go leech off my mother for the rest of her life and try to marry someone I can leech off of when I can't do that anymore? What if I become a cat lady on the street? I'm allergic to cats... that would be a disaster!

Monday is more than halfway over. I only have 4 and a half days left to wait. Or less. Who knows? It's only my future hanging in the balance.